


Change Can Be Good

by blackchaps



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Lemon, M/M, Post Trinity, chicken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-21
Updated: 2013-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-12 13:48:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/812259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackchaps/pseuds/blackchaps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney needs a break from Atlantis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Change Can Be Good

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my friend, Zap, who asked for Rodney/Caldwell.

********

They clicked glass, raising it high to the crew of the Aurora, and Rodney drank swiftly. The mission had yielded a wealth of information about Ancient ships, and for that alone, he called it a success.

_ ‘Do you trust me?’ _

_ ‘No!’ _

The words skipped through Rodney’s mind again, but he shoved them aside ruthlessly. It didn’t mean anything. Sheppard trusted him. Probably.

Caldwell cleared his throat. “In another unrelated matter.” He seemed to take a deep breath. “The Daedalus suffered a tragedy on the return trip.”

Weir gasped. “Steven?”

“We lost a good man. Randolph Gardner, my chief engineer, suffered a heart attack and passed away.” Caldwell lowered his head. “He will be missed.”

“Why weren’t we informed?” Sheppard asked.

“Ship’s business,” Caldwell said with his usual touch of frost.

“He was only fifty!” Rodney couldn’t believe it. They’d been colleagues for years, and Gardner hadn’t been totally stupid.

Sheppard narrowed his eyes, almost glaring at Caldwell. “So…”

“I need to fill the position of chief engineer.” Caldwell focused on Rodney now. “Dr. McKay, I would appreciate you informing your staff that the position is open. Any serious inquiries should be sent to me.”

Rodney went ahead and nodded, even though he didn’t want any of his staff poached away to the Daedalus. Weir and Sheppard both looked annoyed by the idea also.

“We are sorry for your loss,” Teyla said. It was a good thing they had her around to actually say something nice.

The meeting splintered off into groups, and Rodney noticed that he stood apart. Usually, he’d go grab some food with Sheppard, but…

_ ‘Do you trust me?’ _

_ ‘No!’ _

Disgusted with himself, he strolled, or that’s how he’d tell it later, down to the labs to find Zelenka, who reacted to the news in predictable fashion.

“Good man. Heart attack at fifty? Too much coffee, not enough sleep.” Zelenka removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes. “Our fates as well, I am thinking.”

It was too easy to see that happening to both of them. Rodney shrugged, not wanting to think about it. “Anyone we trust to send with Caldwell?”

“Most of us here are pure research scientists, not engineers.” Zelenka shrugged back at him. “I will spread the word. Where is information on the Aurora?”

“Keep your greedy Czech hands to yourself.” Rodney might have to lock up the tablet with all his downloads on it. He shooed Zelenka away and considered again going to get some food. Running from Wraith always made him hungry. Taking the tablet with the information on the Aurora with him, he headed for the cafeteria, and he certainly wasn’t hoping to see Sheppard.

Regardless of what people said, they weren’t close friends. They didn’t always eat together, and they didn’t spend their off-hours playing computer games. Not anymore. He was dead tired of cursing exotic particles and wishing for the return of entire solar systems.

_ ‘Do you trust me?’ _

_ ‘No!’ _

Getting a few favorites, he found a solitary table to snack and enjoy the specs on the Aurora. Now that had been a ship. It made the Daedalus look like Tinker Toy construction. Time spun away in drive systems, and it was the laughter that clued him in that his team was in the cafeteria. He blinked, stretched, and took a short glance their direction.

It didn’t take super hearing to know who they were laughing at – again. In an act of sheer perversity, he gathered his tablet and went to claim a chair across from Sheppard and next to Teyla. “I didn’t see you guys come in.”

“We did not want to disturb your work,” Teyla said.

Rodney believed that on her part. Ronon shrugged. “Still don’t see why we didn’t shoot that Wraith to begin with.”

“Because Rodney enjoys running and screaming,” Sheppard said, instantly laughing with Ronon.

Teyla put her hand on Rodney’s arm. “Perhaps we can discover more ships from the Ancestors.”

For some odd reason, Rodney’s gaze went to a table three back where Caldwell sat. Caldwell met Rodney’s look firmly, but there was something in those brown eyes that Rodney wasn’t smart enough to understand. He got up and moved to Caldwell’s table without asking why.

“Zelenka is spreading the word as he puts it.” Rodney sat down, relieved when Caldwell’s very brown eyes moved to stare at something else. “I’m surprised you don’t just move everyone up a position.”

“I want the best person for the job, and Novak told me that she’d rather be shoved out an airlock.” Caldwell sighed, going back to eating. Rodney sat there like a lump instead of leaving. Caldwell pointed with his fork at Rodney’s team. “You ever get tired of the insults?”

A dozen excuses for his team were right on the tip of Rodney’s tongue. Instead, he told the truth. “We’re team.”

“Which gives Sheppard a free pass. I get it.” Caldwell sipped his coffee. “It hasn’t been that long since Doranda. He’ll get over it.”

Rodney wasn’t sure what that meant, or what Caldwell thought he knew. “Sheppard and I are fine,” he said, feeling stupid.

“If you could, I’d appreciate a recommendation or two.” Caldwell smiled. “Novak refuses to help me out.”

“She’ll have to work under them,” Rodney said absentmindedly, thinking about six other topics, five of which were Sheppard related. “When are you due to leave?”

“Two days.” Caldwell nodded. “I know that’s not much time, but I don’t make the flight plans.”

“Well, you should.” Rodney used his tablet to call up the personnel file. Maybe there’d be someone qualified who he wouldn’t mind losing.

Sheppard’s har har har interrupted Rodney’s train of thought, and he sat up very straight. He returned to his team’s table, this time sitting down near Sheppard, just to test a theory. Sheppard scooted even further away, stopping his annoying laughter.

Teyla wouldn’t meet Rodney’s eyes. Rodney put on a fake smile. “You guys don’t have to wait until I leave the table to laugh at me.”

“We know,” Sheppard said. He grinned at Ronon. “I was telling Ronon about sparring practice the other day.”

Rodney flushed before he could stop himself. “You cheated.”

“Your pants fell down.”

They went off into gales of laughter again, and Rodney decided to stare at the names on his tablet.

Caldwell was suddenly just there. “Dr. McKay, would you accompany me to the Daedalus, where we can discuss the position in further detail?”

After a blink, Rodney rushed to his feet. “Definitely.” He didn’t look back, but the laughter cut off. He vowed not to sit by them again. He made a side note about skipping sparring. It wasn’t his fault that he’d grabbed the wrong pair of sweats in his rush to get to sparring before Sheppard sent Ronon after him. He followed without a thought to where they were going, a little surprised when Caldwell actually had an office.

“For some reason, I thought you lounged about on the bridge all day.” Rodney sank down in a conveniently placed chair in front of a small desk. “I’ve never seen Sheppard’s office.”

“I don’t think he has one.” Caldwell opened his laptop. “Too easy to find him.”

Rodney nodded, believing that. He called up the personnel list again. “So who’s on your short list?”

Caldwell stared at his screen. “You, Zelenka, and Anderson.”

“Zelenka likes being on an actual planet.” Rodney shook his head. “Anderson could work. He’s weak in a couple of areas, but he’d get you home in one, maybe two pieces.”

“That’s reassuring.” Caldwell abruptly shut his laptop. “I want you.”

“Me?” Rodney thought that was crazy talk. “You don’t even like me.”

“Not true. I just wish you followed orders occasionally. We can work on that.” Caldwell leaned forward, intense and direct. “You could use a break from Atlantis. Take the position, get us home, and you can interview qualified people there. You’ll be gone two months – tops.”

It was laughable. Ridiculous. Rodney considered it again. Still stupid. “Moving back to reality. How about Simpson? She’s been driving me nuts lately.”

A quick grin, and Caldwell got to his feet. “Consider it. I have duties elsewhere.” He left Rodney sitting there, wondering what exactly had just happened.

Rodney wandered back towards his office – he had one – but it was his misfortune to be heading north on a main hallway when Sheppard was heading south. Before he could even think of what to say, Sheppard made a sharp turn into a room that Rodney suspected held ammunition. Rodney paused for a second, considering following him and asking him to stop all these avoiding techniques, but he chickened out and hurried to his lab.

For the next two days, Rodney ran an experiment while discussing with Zelenka the merits of every person qualified to get the Daedalus home. Twice, he had meals with Caldwell, who was surprisingly good company, but the experiment went forward. He kept scrupulous notes and it wasn’t until three hours before the Daedalus left that he faced the facts.

1\. Sheppard refused to have a conversation without Ronon and Teyla present.

2. Sheppard consistently avoided him like the plague.

3. Sheppard would actually leave his food uneaten to avoid Rodney.

4.  Sheppard laughed like a jackass.

“Teyla, do you have a minute?”

She hesitated, eyes darting to where Ronon was continuing down the hallway. “Of course.”

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Rodney tried to sound casual. “Do you think he’ll ever trust me again?”

To her credit, she didn’t pretend to misunderstand. “It is difficult for him to express his feelings.”

“He won’t. He’s the kind of man who only gives it once.” Rodney had enough evidence to draw that conclusion. “Thank you, Teyla.”

“Colonel Sheppard is taking myself and Ronon to the mainland. Perhaps you could go with us and speak to him on the return trip?”

Rodney wasn’t proud that he latched on to that. They walked together to her quarters so she could gather her things, and Sheppard showed up as Teyla finished packing.

“You ready, Teyla?” Sheppard slouched against the doorjamb.

“I am.” She smiled, handing Rodney a bag to carry. Rodney tried to think of what to say, but nothing came to mind.

Sheppard stepped, snitching the bag from Rodney’s half-slack arms. “I think Dr. Weir is looking for you, McKay.”

The lie hung in the air like some sort of nasty lemon cleaner. Rodney shuffled out into the hallway, watching them go towards the puddle jumpers together. Teyla looked back once, but Sheppard didn’t.

_ ‘Do you trust me?’ _

_ ‘No!’ _

Using the common channel, Rodney tapped his ear bud. “Dr. Weir, did you need something?”

“Rodney?” Weir answered, obviously confused.

“Can we talk?” Rodney went that direction without hesitating. He’d made up his mind, and if Sheppard wouldn’t look back, neither would he.

********

“Sorry about the lack of an ocean view,” Caldwell said, opening the door to Rodney’s new quarters. Rodney tossed his main bag on the bunk. The rest had been beamed over earlier. He turned, knowing that this was one of the larger quarters and missing his room in Atlantis. Caldwell raised his eyebrows. “I expected scathing remarks.”

“Nothing compares to Atlantis.” Rodney shrugged, not able to work up an insult or two. “I’m just glad I don’t have a roommate this trip.”

“Atlantis is beautiful, but so is my ship.”

“Glad to hear you don’t hold a grudge.” Rodney went ahead and said it. He’d always sided with Sheppard in regards to who should command Atlantis, but it was good to hear that Caldwell wasn’t completely disappointed.

Brown eyes darkened and then Caldwell looked away. “Everyone wanted Atlantis. I was honored to even be considered.”

Rodney didn’t want to discuss it ever again. He flipped open a box he’d carefully marked, took out his favorite tablet, and made a motion at the door. “I have to work. Get out of the way.”

Caldwell blinked. “Welcome aboard, Dr. McKay.”

Fairly certain this would be their last conversation unless the ship was in danger, he made time to answer. “Yes, yes, let me run a quick diagnostic of the engines, and then we can leave.”

With a small chuckle, Caldwell got out of Rodney’s way. Rodney headed straight for Engineering, gathering his minions as they appeared and had his first meeting as soon as they reached Novak’s station.

The Daedalus class ships had been the brain-child of Samantha Carter, a blend of Asgard and military technology, but there were no Ancient components, which made sense given the rarity of the ATA gene. However, they knew more now, and they had the gene therapy, so there was no reason to limit themselves any longer.

Rodney wanted to accomplish two things over the next weeks. Get the Daedalus in peak operating condition with upgrades to all systems and forget he’d ever had a friend named John Sheppard. It was Colonel Sheppard now, and when Rodney returned to Atlantis, he’d start over again.

*********

“Dr. McKay.” Caldwell stood at parade rest near the console that was being repaired. McKay didn’t spare him more than a glance, keeping most of his attention on the minute adjustments he was making to the sensor array. Caldwell didn’t leave, finally saying, “We drop out of hyperspace right before we clear the Pegasus galaxy.”

Carefully, Rodney looked up at him. “Why? It’s risky.”

“It gives me one last chance to check in with Atlantis, just in case the Wraith are attacking and I need to head back.” Caldwell gave him a tight grin. “We drop out, shields go up, and we wait for the mail. Shields are on-line, right?”

Rodney made sure of it. “We’re good.”

Caldwell eased closer. “When you finish that, would you like to get dinner?”

Very unsure what that was all about, Rodney still went ahead and agreed. “After this.” He would make it last forever, forcing Caldwell to go elsewhere, but time dragged, and Rodney finally gave up. “Okay, I’m done.”

“I thought so.” Caldwell stepped very close and tapped the readout. “We’ve had problems with power surges right there.”

Surprised, Rodney really looked at him, reassessing. “What’s for dinner?”

Caldwell laughed and led the way to the tiny galley. “Good thing you like MRE’s.”

“Zelenka doesn’t. He’s odd.” Rodney took two, having no idea when he’d eaten anything but a power bar. “How are things on the bridge?” As far as small talk went, it was lame.

“Boring is what we like.” Caldwell sipped his coffee. “You’re doing a good job.”

“Of course I am. Atlantis is a spaceship, much larger than this one, and much more complex.” Rodney added sugar to his coffee, waiting for his pouch to heat up. He saw the twinkle in Caldwell’s eyes and wondered what was so funny. “Not that the Daedalus isn’t complicated.”

“They didn’t make her with Legos.” Caldwell shifted in his chair, unzipping his flight suit an inch. “You miss Atlantis.”

“Yes.” Rodney didn’t bother trying to lie. “I’ve been trying to keep busy.”

“About that… some of my scientists look like they want to cry.” Caldwell smiled. “Like I said, good job.”

Rodney blinked and then smirked. “Dr. Weir always told me to ease up on them. I think I like your management style.”

Caldwell laughed. “Never hurts to be shoved outside your comfort zone.” He started eating, and Rodney did the same. The silence wasn’t awkward, but Rodney wanted to say something. He wasn’t sure what.

“What did Colonel Sheppard say when you told him you’d taken the job?”

That was one thing Rodney liked about Caldwell. The guy asked the questions no one else dared. Rodney was tempted to wave it away, and his hesitation was his downfall.

“You didn’t tell him.” Caldwell had a bite on his fork that hung in the air. “You did tell Dr. Weir, right?”

“She approved it!” Rodney felt defensive now. “I tried to talk to him, but he gave me some excuse about Elizabeth wanting to see me and then took off for the mainland with Teyla and Ronon.”

“He ditched you?” Caldwell looked shocked. “You’re on his team.”

“Let’s talk about your engine output. I think with a few simple upgrades we can increase your speed dramatically.” Rodney desperately wanted to change the subject. He’d spent the last week doing his best to forget it. Glumly, he stared into Caldwell’s eyes and knew he had to come clean. “I broke his trust. I might be on the team, but I’m not team any longer.”

Now the silence was uncomfortable, but Caldwell didn’t let it last. “Do you think you betrayed his trust?”

Caldwell went right to the heart of many restless nights for Rodney. He swallowed hard, hoping he made sense. “My calculations were correct. My first mistake was that I didn’t research the initial findings thoroughly enough. I rushed. My second mistake was not listening to Zelenka.” He took a deep breath, not sure why he was trying. Everyone sided with Sheppard.

“Being wrong isn’t betrayal. Sounds to me like he wants you to be perfect.” Caldwell went back to eating while Rodney stared in amazement at him. “He screwed up that whole Ford thing. I’m fairly certain you didn’t take that as a betrayal.”

Rodney opened his mouth and shut it again. He tilted his head. “He tried his hardest.”

“Try doesn’t cut it. It’s his job to be competent, especially when the security of Atlantis is on the line. He failed. You were nearly killed. Tell me again, did you feel betrayed?”

“No,” Rodney choked out, remembering the aches and pain, the lump on his head, the swollen ankle, and how Sheppard was more worried about Ronon, who he’d never met. “I shot Ford too.”

“You shouldn’t have had to,” Caldwell growled. He pushed his food aside, concentrating on his coffee now, face tilted down.

The break in eye contact gave Rodney a minute to literally catch his breath. He’d always supported Sheppard unconditionally, but after Doranda, it had been made clear that he have to _earn_ the trust back. Even the memory of _chasing_ Sheppard through the hallways made Rodney flush.

“Did Zelenka hold a grudge?” Caldwell abruptly asked. “It seemed to me at the time that he had reason to be angry.”

“No.” Rodney’s chest sorta hurt. “He knows I’m smarter than he is, and I recognized that he was right.” He waved his hands. It was hard to explain. They were scientists, and they’d worked together for years. They had fights, and it didn’t mean all that much. What mattered was the science, and Doranda had taught them both a tremendous amount. “We’ll argue again.”

“Maybe you’ll be right next time.” Caldwell smiled tightly. “So how is my ship’s engine performance?”

Relieved, Rodney went into great detail – it always made Sheppard zone out. When he finally trailed off, Caldwell nodded and asked a series of not stupid questions.

Then he flashed a big grin. “It’s my ship.”

“By that logic, Sheppard should know how to fix Atlantis.” Rodney snorted at the idea, but then he saw Caldwell’s serious face. “Well, he could fix a few things. Maybe.” He felt like he should say more. “I mean, Atlantis is complex.

“Dr. Weir is hopeless.” Rodney sighed, thinking he should shut up. “The Daedalus is a good ship. Some of these systems I hadn’t repaired before. It’s been interesting.”

Getting up, Caldwell cleared their table and lazily pointed at the door. “Teyla has been studying the ship. I’m not sure why, but she’s very smart. I never underestimate her.”

“Really?” Rodney clicked his jaw shut. He filed that away for later, walking with Caldwell down the hallway, not really thinking about where they were going until they got there.

“Would you like to come in? Have some more coffee?” Caldwell kept his door open.

Before he could think of a reason to say no, Rodney was inside, worrying. “Um…”

With a sure step, Caldwell was so very close to Rodney’s lips. “I know you’re still on the rebound from Sheppard, but I’m interested.”

Rodney experienced complete brain freeze for the first time in his life. It all seized up inside him. Then it hit him. “I never dated Sheppard.”

“I know, but you wanted to, and that’s what counts.” Caldwell’s voice was a deep purr. “All I’m saying is when you’re ready, these are my quarters.”

“But Sheppard and I… we were just friends,” Rodney said, worried that he was getting everyone in all kinds of trouble.

Caldwell nodded, lips even closer. Rodney should’ve felt trapped, claustrophobic, even freaking out, but all he wanted to do was lean. He put his hand on Caldwell’s arm, feeling the muscle, and–

_‘Do you trust me?’_

_ ‘No!’ _

Shaking his head, Rodney opened the door and ran for it. Later, he’d tell himself he walked quickly, but all that mattered was getting away. Instead of heading to work, he buried himself in cleaning his quarters, not thinking, and then flopped down on the bed.

Once he stopped moving, all the repressed thoughts cascaded through him, and he shuddered. Of course he’d wanted Sheppard, everyone did, but that didn’t mean he’d ever entertained any hope of it happening, especially now. 

Caldwell wanted… Rodney, and he gulped. Everyone on Atlantis pretty much assumed Caldwell resented Sheppard for taking the position of base commander. But now, it was barely possible that Caldwell’s complaints had more to do with Sheppard’s performance. Rodney wasn’t in any position to judge. He had no idea what Sheppard was supposed to do, much less if he did it.

They were friends. They had been friends. Rodney rubbed his face with his hands and wished he were a genius at inter-personal affairs.

He felt the ship drop out of hyper-space, and he reached for his laptop. He hurried to the bridge, and Caldwell immediately glanced at him.

“Put Atlantis on the main screen,” Caldwell said.

“Aye, sir.”

“Colonel.”

“Colonel.”

Rodney rolled his eyes, but he found himself moving into position at Caldwell’s right shoulder. Sheppard saw him, no doubt about it.

“We’re about to make the jump. Anything before we go?” Caldwell asked.

“We’re five by five.” Sheppard smiled, but it was so very fake. “How’s your new chief engineer working out? Want to space him yet?”

Caldwell put his fists on his hips. “Caldwell out.”

The connection snapped off, and Rodney had to straighten his spine. He should’ve stayed in his quarters, hidden in a closet, anything but come up here. The bridge crew said nothing, not even a whisper, and Rodney struggled to think of a joke.

“Dr. McKay, are we ready?” Caldwell asked.

Rodney made a show of checking a few things, but the ship was closer to perfect than it had been. “We’re good to go, Colonel.”

“Smithy, get us home,” Caldwell said.

“With pleasure, sir.”

The Daedalus surged forward, twisting space to make a window, and then plunging inside to ride the math home, or that was how Rodney liked to think about it. He pushed away the thought that he was _leaving_ his home. Earth was his home too, or it had been – close enough.

********

Two weeks out – Rodney checked the date – and he had fixed everything but the toilets. Glumly, he sat in the cafeteria with a cup of coffee and a bad attitude. Gardner had probably had a heart attack to escape the boredom.

Another week of nothing to do but watch the colors go by. Rodney didn’t remember being this bored on his last trip, but of course, nearly dying had made that one exciting.

“Bored?” Caldwell slid into the chair across from him.

“So bored.” Rodney poured more sugar in his coffee and stirred. He had worked very hard this last week to think about nothing at all except the job. Unfortunately, without more parts, he was done with the upgrading, and everyone on the ship knew their job well enough that it didn’t warrant much yelling.

“Novak is hiccupping less,” Caldwell said with a sly smile.

“Familiarity breeds contempt.” Rodney shrugged, leaning against his palm. If he didn’t look right at him, maybe he wouldn’t think of muscles and lips.

“Did you read all those emails that came for you?” Caldwell was a very nosy bastard – that was Rodney’s opinion.

With a glare, Rodney answered. “No. I’ve been forgetting.”

Caldwell traced his finger on the table in the pattern of a figure eight over and over again. “It’s good to get away occasionally.”

“Yeah.” Rodney concentrated on his coffee and getting it in his veins. When he got up for a refill, Caldwell didn’t move, and he didn’t leave when Rodney returned. “Can I hope that there’s a problem or you need something repaired?”

“No.” Caldwell smiled, easy and strong, and Rodney shouldn’t have looked. His well-constructed reality of working and not thinking about people fell to ashes, and he sighed loudly. Caldwell casually put his hand over Rodney’s. “It’s okay. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

Rodney tried to get his lungs working again. “I guess I don’t get why you… whatever.” He frantically waved his free hand.

“Come to my quarters. We’ll talk.” Caldwell was gone before Rodney could fake a job that needed him elsewhere, not that he ever did that to get away from people. Sighing, trudging, Rodney carried his coffee through the hallways until he stood in front of Caldwell’s door. It would’ve been so easy to walk away, pretend none of this was happening.

_ ‘Do you trust me?’ _

_ ‘No!’ _

Giving up was always hard for Rodney. Even when women broke up with him by throwing shoes and getting restraining orders, he still held out hope, and Sheppard had meant much more to Rodney than any woman, even Sam Carter.

Caldwell opened the door, and Rodney let it go. It was time to move on, find a new friend, and make a different life.

“I set up the chess board.”

“Let’s play checkers,” Rodney said. “Or even Monopoly.”

Looking surprised, Caldwell smiled and pulled him inside.

*********

“This is a military vessel. Everyone has a rank.” Caldwell rolled his eyes and moved his piece. “Also? I’m going to win.”

“I don’t have a rank,” Rodney said, studying the board and hating the randomness of checkers. His win ratio was far below what he’d expected.

“Yes, you do.” Caldwell tapped his fingers randomly just to annoy him. “All the scientists are lieutenants or captains. Your rank is temporary, of course.”

“I better be a captain then,” Rodney grumbled, moving his piece and waiting to be jumped. Caldwell nodded and crushed him. Glaring, Rodney sacrificed his pieces to the colonel. “I thought the IOA had some oversight over this vessel.”

“None,” Caldwell said. “My men and women are Air Force.”

“Except for me,” Rodney said. He let the data swirl in his mind a moment. “You wanted me.”

“Yes.” Caldwell reset the board, crossing his legs and staring at him intently. “The Daedalus needed an upgrade and you were the perfect person to give us one. I’d like you to stay long-term, but I understand the lure of Atlantis.”

Taking a deep breath, Rodney tried again. “You wanted me.”

Caldwell shrugged, strong and confident. “My ship comes first. Part of it, I admit, was a desire to knock you out of the mindset that you did something wrong at Doranda.”

“I screwed up,” Rodney said, believing it. “Ask anyone.”

“They’re all wrong. That weapon could’ve wiped out the Ori and the Wraith, saving countless lives. It was worth the risk, the chance.” Caldwell eased to his feet, taking a long stretch. “I’m very sorry if Colonel Sheppard got his feelings hurt, but you did the right thing.”

“That was sarcasm, I think.” Rodney wasn’t sure whether to staying sitting or stand. He fidgeted, deciding that he never wanted to discuss Colonel Sheppard again. Trying for casual, he got to his feet, and Caldwell took up a lot of space. One lazy step and they were even closer. Caldwell slipped his hand onto Rodney’s hip, and the touch made Rodney jerk.

“No rush,” Caldwell said.

Rodney heaved out a big breath. “There really are upgrades that need my attention.”

“No, there really aren’t.” Caldwell didn’t move his lips any closer. Rodney felt rooted to the floor, but he leaned. It was him, he was sure of it. His brain flew into overdrive, powering his body along with it, and he wanted to rip that flight suit right off.

“I guess you know what you want,” Caldwell muttered, bringing his hands up and wrapping Rodney into a hard embrace. Rodney couldn’t help but over-think it, but every scenario led to him getting laid, and that was always a good thing. His hand trembled slightly as he got a grip on the zipper. Caldwell kissed him, and Rodney pulled.

“I always wondered what was under these.” Rodney would admit to being slightly disappointed.

“I’ll take it as a compliment that you’ve been thinking about unzipping me.” Caldwell kept a tight hold, moving his lips in a pattern across Rodney’s chin that was distracting. Rodney persevered with the zipper until it was below the undershirt. The instant it was down, Caldwell slid Rodney’s jacket off.

Dithering between whose clothes to remove first, Rodney paused, staring into Caldwell’s brown eyes. Right now, they were blown wide, serious. Caldwell took off his T-shirt, slid everything to the floor, and sat down in the abandoned chair. Before Rodney could do more than open his mouth, his wrist was captured and he was dragged on top of all that skin, nice skin, and firm.

His position felt almost precarious, balanced, and he wiggled when Caldwell stripped him naked without letting him up. It must’ve been some sort of Air Force talent. Breathless, Rodney let himself be captured, practically helpless, and definitely not in charge.

Big hands wrapped into the skin of Rodney’s ass, and Caldwell growled, “Move.”

Rodney took one second to make sure their cocks were touching, and then he did as he was told. He moved, following the rhythm the hands on his ass set for him, and it felt so damn good. Up. Down. A little shimmy to the left. He gasped out a yelp when Caldwell ducked his head and bit him on the chest.

“Easy!” Tingles broke out all over Rodney’s body, and he arched into it instead of pulling away.

“You taste good.” Caldwell ground Rodney into him, biting and kissing. Rodney spiraled up, balls drawing tight, and desperately tried to hold it off. He wanted so much more, and this was moving way too fast. He stuttered in his rhythm, and Caldwell bucked up into him. It felt so good, and there was no stopping now.

Caldwell grunted against Rodney’s skin, and they came together, moving into the slickness. Finally, Rodney had to stop, and Caldwell pulled him close, kissing him. Disbelief warred with lethargy.

“I can’t believe we did that,” Rodney mumbled into Caldwell’s shoulder.

“I can’t believe we had to play checkers first.” Caldwell helped Rodney get his feet under him. “Let’s shower.” He leaned over to untie his boots while Rodney staggered off the bathroom. It was small but bigger than his, and he intended to hog the water.

The shower seemed much smaller when Caldwell joined him, but at least he didn’t steal the water. He stood back, soaping up his hands, and Rodney let out a full-throated groan when the rubbing started. He always had kinks in his back, and Caldwell expertly found all of them before following the soap down lower.

Turning his head, Rodney wasn’t sure he wanted to be touched there. He tensed, and Caldwell slipped his hands around, hugging him tight.

“No rush,” Caldwell whispered. He nibbled on Rodney’s soap-free shoulder.

Rodney relaxed, secure in the knowledge that Caldwell wasn’t pushy. “What’s with the biting?” he asked, trying to sound grumpy.

“I guess I’m just possessive.” Caldwell sucked a spot on Rodney’s neck into his mouth and didn’t let up until Rodney gasped for air. Rodney didn’t protest though. He… liked it. Caldwell gently nipped Rodney’s ear. “If I get rough, just slap my nose.”

Against his will, Rodney laughed. He grabbed the soap to return the favor, biting back a moan at the feel of muscles under his hands. “This shower could take a while.”

“We recycle the water.” Caldwell slid his soapy hands across Rodney’s nipples. “So take your time.”

Arguing against that would be the act of an idiot, and Rodney was a genius.

**********

The week passed in a blur of sex and MRE’s, or that was how it felt to Rodney. He had no recollection if he accomplished any more upgrades. All he did was work, eat, and roll around on Caldwell’s bed, trying to orgasm and succeeding magnificently.

When Earth came into sight, Rodney wanted to protest, but Caldwell brushed Rodney’s hand in passing, and Rodney forgot everything but hopping into bed again. It was disgraceful, and he enjoyed every minute of it.

“Are we staying on board or going Earthside?” Rodney asked when his brain started working again.

Caldwell stopped flicking his tongue over Rodney’s nipple and kissed him. “Both, and I like the sound of ‘we.’”

“You _are_ possessive.” Rodney wiggled around enough to bite Caldwell on his perfect ass for the first time. Caldwell practically flailed off the bed and then came at him with a gleam in his eye. Rodney grinned toothily, determined to give as good as he got, but he didn’t mind failing at this one thing.

*********

“I’ve interviewed everyone,” Rodney said firmly, “and no one is good enough for my ship.”

“Your ship?” Caldwell’s eyebrows went up and stayed there.

“Mine,” Rodney growled. “I just let you fly her.”

Caldwell laughed, drawing the attention of several people in the cafeteria. Rodney concentrated on his jello instead of how much he liked making Caldwell laugh. He really had interviewed everyone qualified, and none of them would do. The ships needed someone well-rounded, not just good at sensors or hyperspace, but good at everything.

“So… you’re staying on?”

The tiny bit of hope in Caldwell’s voice made Rodney cringe. He liked the Daedalus, and he had some serious affection for her horny colonel, but he loved Atlantis.

“My apologies,” Caldwell said softly. “I know you miss Atlantis.”

“I do miss her. The challenges, the discoveries.” Rodney boldly put his hand over Caldwell’s. “I want to work there, but I also enjoy flying around in my ship with you.”

Serious brown eyes stared at him, and then Caldwell nodded. “You can’t commute to work?”

Rodney laughed a little. “I wish I could, but I’m willing to timeshare.” For him, it was a huge commitment, and he hoped Caldwell knew that.

“I get you every six months for a refit?” Caldwell’s eyes shined now.

“Sounds doable.” Rodney had a demand of his own. “And you spend more time in the Pegasus galaxy. You’re not just a grocery truck.”

“Tell that to Dr. Weir,” Caldwell growled, but he also nodded. “Sounds fair, but I still need a chief engineer.”

“Novak can do it.” Rodney was sure of it. “I’ll work with her. She’s terminally shy, but once I teach her how to run meetings by email, she’ll do fine.”

“Email?” Caldwell leaned back and crossed his arms. “Seriously?”

Rodney smiled. “We’re scientists. None of us have people skills. We’ll also set up a forum for questions and answers. Trust me, geeks love that sort of thing.” He scooped out the last bit of jello and ate it slowly. “More meetings today?”

“As usual.” Caldwell shrugged, clearly ambivalent about it. “Two more days until we leave. You got all your shopping done?”

Flushing, Rodney glared. “I only requisition mission essential items!”

“Right.” Caldwell rolled his eyes and barked a laugh. He shifted forward and whispered, “You get Sheppard any beer and I’ll bite your ass so hard you won’t sit for a week.”

Shock made Rodney’s mouth hang open. He snapped it shut. “You would not,” he ground out.

“Don’t try me.” Caldwell locked eyes with Rodney, and they stayed that way until Rodney looked to the left, in effect conceding.

“I wouldn’t anyway, you jackass.” Rodney kicked him under the table. Caldwell winced and got to his feet. He strutted out the door, managing to win the argument with his silence and perfect ass. Rodney was tempted to throw something after him. He wasn’t going to get Sheppard anything. Sitting up a bit straighter, he sighed. He really should find Teyla and Ronon a gift. And Carson. After Doranda, they had never ignored him or pretended he didn’t exist.

“Can I sit here?” Daniel asked, an open book on his tray along with his food.

Rodney didn’t get a chance to answer before Daniel had sat down. “Daniel, you got any old knives in that mausoleum you call an office?”

“One or two,” Daniel said, still continuing to read. “Why?”

*********

Novak claimed that boot camp for the Marines would’ve been easier than the regimen that Rodney was putting her through to be chief engineer. He didn’t want to hear it. If she was going to be maintaining the Daedalus then she had to be at her best, and he’d get her there one way or another. The first week was hell on both of them, and the hiccupping was almost non-stop, but by the time they hit the edge of the Milky Way, she had found a rhythm that worked.

Only then did Rodney relax a little and begin handing the reins of leadership over to her. He did pull several scientists aside and savagely inform them that he’d be watching. Their wide eyes and bobbing heads reassured him that he was still feared.

Caldwell spent the two weeks smirking, and Rodney barely had time to wipe it away with kisses. Four days from Atlantis, Rodney officially put Novak in charge. He announced it as he strolled into Caldwell’s quarters.

“I quit.” Rodney unzipped his own flight suit – they were comfortable – and kicked it away with his shoes. Caldwell said nothing, just moving to him and biting him gently on the neck. Nothing new about that. Rodney gave him a poke in the belly and slumped down on the bed. “I’m going to sleep until we get to Atlantis.”

“I doubt it.” Caldwell did some unzipping of his own and pressed Rodney’s legs open so he could nest in between them. They rocked together, sliding and grinding, and Rodney could admit that he wasn’t all that sleepy. Caldwell licked a bite mark and whispered in Rodney’s ear. “Roll over?”

Rodney took a long stretch before slowly rolling to his stomach. He intended to play it cool, pretend he wasn’t feeling it, and then Caldwell was on top of him, and he gasped loud enough to be heard on the bridge.

“What?” Caldwell pressed in tighter; his cock bumping into Rodney’s balls.

“You’re so warm!” Rodney felt like an idiot for saying the obvious. They hadn’t done this, and he’d never wanted it, but he was a scientist first, and experimentation often led to excellent results. Or so he’d come to realize after a couple of hours of research. Caldwell laughed softly, biting Rodney’s shoulder up high and moving his hips.

It didn’t take long before Rodney went with the rhythm, body on fire, panting for air and glad he’d upgraded the oxygen scrubbers. Surprised by the slick, he jerked back into it, and Caldwell might’ve been muttering about something or another, but the wet fingers pressing inside him nearly made him take flight. He expected pain, harsh and quick. There was none of it, just mind-blowing heat and pleasure.

Real pleasure. Not just a quick build-up and release, but waves that swept up and down his body, and he babbled nonsense about it never stopping. And when Caldwell wrapped his slick hand around Rodney’s cock, the crescendo hit its high note.

About the time the world made sense, Caldwell gently bit the crook of Rodney’s neck and rolled them to the side. Caldwell’s breath came harsh in Rodney’s ear, and Rodney grinned, so glad he was a scientist.

“Damn,” Caldwell whispered. “Kill an old pilot, why don’t you?”

Laughing, Rodney’s eyes fluttered shut and his heart rate started falling to normal. Some sleep was an excellent idea.

********

Atlantis looked good in the front window of the Daedalus, and the part of Rodney that didn’t trust anyone with his city relaxed. Keeping one eye on engine performance – excellent – and the other on Caldwell – also excellent – Rodney made sure not to pace. Pacing was not allowed on the bridge. He could snap his fingers all he wanted, throw things, and curse, but no pacing. So of course, that was all he ever wanted to do.

“Have you packed, Dr. McKay?” Caldwell drawled.

“Hmm.” Rodney hadn’t even thought of it. He felt the landing gear do its job, and almost instantly Atlantis began to hum under his skin. Maybe she was happy to see him. He basked in it for a moment, knowing the feeling would fade.

“Doctor?” Caldwell asked.

Giving himself a shake, Rodney glanced at him. “Atlantis let me know we had landed.”

Caldwell’s eyes darkened. “I’m sure she’s glad to have you back.”

Coming out of Sheppard’s mouth, those words would’ve been twisted to an insult, but Caldwell sounded sincere, and Rodney tried not to smile.

Raising his hand, Caldwell touched his ear bud. “Yes, Dr. Weir, Dr. McKay is on board. I believe he’s finally remembered to go pack.”

Rodney handed his tablet to someone, accidentally on purpose nudged Caldwell’s command chair, and went to his quarters. He didn’t have all that much to pack, and he dug out his duffle to start throwing clothes in it. That didn’t take long, and then he carefully packed his equipment in boxes. Before he finished, the door chimed, and he opened it.

Ronon swept him up into a hug, and Rodney honestly feared for his life. His lungs tried to collapse, and Teyla laughed at his distress.

“We have missed you, Dr. McKay,” Teyla said, greeting him much more appropriately after Ronon had practically tossed him down, wheezing and gasping.

“Did you bring us food?” Ronon started for the boxes, and Rodney barely managed to block him, nearly getting trampled.

“No!” Rodney scrambled for the two items he’d found for them. Ronon snatched the knife so fast that Rodney almost lost a limb. He yelped and edged further away. “It’s really old, like a thousand years or so. Roman, or something. Daniel… and I wasn’t really listening.”

“Cool,” Ronon breathed. He slapped Rodney on the back and strutted out the door. Rodney sincerely hoped Ronon wouldn’t kill anyone with it. Teyla laughed, and he had to grin.

“It’s good to be home,” Rodney said, rummaging until he found it. “It’s not much but…”

“It is lovely.” She didn’t hesitate to take it. Their eyes met, and she smiled. “What is it? It is very soft.”

Rodney grinned. “Sorry. It’s a poncho.” He showed her the slit. “Your head goes in here. Some cultures wear a belt with it. This one is made of alpaca, soft and strong.”

She crinkled her brow and abruptly put it on. “I see. The arms are free to work, and yet, it keeps you warm.”

“Right.” Rodney thought it looked pretty on her, but he couldn’t say it.

“What is alpaca?” Teyla didn’t show any signs of taking it off, stroking it with her hand.

“An animal like a sheep? Wooly. They can carry packs too. Oh, and they taste good. An all-around useful animal.” Rodney would show her a picture later. He surveyed what was left, and quickly finished stuffing things away. The door chimed again, and he got it.

Caldwell didn’t step inside, but two lieutenants did. They started picking up boxes, and Rodney told them to be careful twice. Teyla smiled, and only when the room was empty did Caldwell step close.

“Thank you, Dr. McKay. Your help was invaluable.” Caldwell stuck out his hand.

Rodney swallowed hard, honestly surprised. They shook hands, and Rodney found some words. “Take care of my ship.”

“I’m sure you’ll be checking up on me.” Caldwell slowly turned loose of Rodney’s hand. “I have to de-brief with Dr. Weir. Meet for dinner?”

“Atlantis cafeteria. Got it.” Rodney saw the look on Teyla’s face, but it could wait. Caldwell left quickly, and Rodney gestured at the door. “I’m ready.”

“You and Colonel Caldwell are friends now?” Teyla sounded shocked, for her.

“Yes,” Rodney said, keeping it short and sweet. “He’s not an idiot.”

“High praise.” She smiled, and they left the ship together. Rodney didn’t comment on Sheppard’s absence and neither did she, but it was like the elephant in the room. Sooner or later, he was going to have to deal with the shit.

********

Zelenka grabbed him and kissed him on both cheeks. “Do not ever leave again!”

“No promises.” But Rodney grinned after pushing him away. “I know you enjoyed the peace and quiet.”

“Maybe too quiet.” Zelenka shrugged and handed him a tablet. “I will be in bed. Perhaps for a week.”

“Ha ha.” Rodney was sure that was a joke until Zelenka yawned and left the lab. Zelenka _had_ looked tired. It was somewhat possible that he could sleep eight hours or so, but any longer than that, and Rodney would haul him out of bed.

Cradling the laptop, he moved from person to person, lab to lab, poking into corners and making sure everyone was on track and remembered that he was the boss, not Zelenka. A leave of absence was common in the scientific community, and he better not here one word of complaint. He was just leaving botany when his radio clicked.

“Dinner, Dr. McKay.” As usual, Caldwell clicked off before Rodney could answer. Rodney would admit to some hunger, and he walked a little quicker than usual. He stepped into the mess hall, the sunshine streaming through the big windows, a slight breeze whipping around the corner from the balcony, and Caldwell’s brown eyes smiling for him. This world was almost a perfect place, and the sappy thought brought him up short. Hell, he’d almost smiled widely at him.

That was nuts.

“Today? McKay?” Lorne shifted on his feet. “Food’s getting cold.”

“Sorry. Sorry.” Rodney was ready to blame it on the lack of decent food on the Daedalus, but Lorne didn’t look interested, and honestly, MRE’s were perfectly good. He was almost glad to see the purple potatoes that Teyla’s people grew, and he gained enthusiasm as he went down the line. For the first time in his life, he didn’t look around to find a table. He honed in on those brown eyes and sat down across from him with what was considerable restraint.

“You look…” Caldwell lowered his voice. “Happy.”

Rodney let his smile out. “And this scares you, I know.” He dug into his potatoes. “Scares me too.”

“Good.” Caldwell looked very serious, even a slight frown, but his eyes told a different story. Rodney wondered when he’d started paying attention and what it meant.

They ate in their usual companionable silence, and it wasn’t until Caldwell got them coffee that they began discussing their day. It was comfortable, familiar, and he sighed softly when it hit him that he was going to miss this. He would miss it a lot.

“So when’s the Daedalus heading out?” Sheppard asked rather loudly, interrupting Rodney’s complaint about Zelenka’s organization skills.

Caldwell calmly looked up and over Rodney’s shoulder. “Not until we find all the mini-fridges McKay smuggled on board.”

Blinking, feeling like a deer caught in headlights, Rodney refused to look back at Sheppard. “I didn’t order those!”

“No, but you had Novak do it.” Caldwell grinned at him. Rodney crossed his arms, raised his chin, and tried to look insulted at the mere idea. Caldwell suddenly glanced back up at Sheppard. “You wanted something, Colonel Sheppard?”

The tone dripped disdain, cutting Sheppard off at the knees. Rodney gripped his coffee cup tightly, not wanting to get involved at any level.

“No, sir,” Sheppard ground out, and Rodney heard him stomp away.

“Pissing him off is fun for you, isn’t it?” Rodney whispered.

Tilting his head slightly, Caldwell shrugged. “You didn’t see the way he was looking at you.” He leaned far forward and whispered, “I should’ve made that hickey twice as big.”

Rodney spit coffee on the table. Caldwell calmly handed him a couple of napkins. Mopping up the mess and glaring at him took all of Rodney’s brain cells. “Those mini-fridges are very useful!” And he flushed because that wasn’t what he’d intended to say.

“Right,” Caldwell drawled. He popped up to his feet and started cleaning off the table. “If I know you, your quarters are a disaster. Let’s go get you unpacked.”

Blinking at the sudden change in topic, Rodney let him do most of the work of cleaning up the table. “I keep my quarters tidy!”

“It took you a week to unpack on the Daedalus.” Caldwell laughed, and they fell into step, going to Rodney’s quarters. They passed several people who nodded and smiled, and Rodney felt weird. Just weird.

When the door shut behind them, Caldwell drew him in for a tight hug and a kiss. “I’ll miss the convenience of you in a flight suit.”

Reluctantly, Rodney went with the truth. “I’ll just miss you.” He rested his head on Caldwell’s shoulder and breathed in the warm scent of him. “I wish I could have…”

“Wish in one hand, spit in the other.” Caldwell kissed him. “All I ask is that you tell me when this is over. Don’t make me hear it from someone else.”

“We discussed it. We have a plan.” Rodney didn’t want to think of any other scenarios. He groaned as Caldwell bit him on the neck. “We’re not really going to clean, are we?”

“It can wait.” Caldwell steered him towards the bed, and they stripped in record time. The flight suits hit the floor, and Rodney sat on the edge of the mattress, grabbing two handfuls of Caldwell’s excellent ass. Caldwell shifted forward, and Rodney took him deep in his mouth. A very satisfied grunt told Rodney it had been a great idea, and he applied himself, sucking and licking.

It was easy to get lost, let the world fall away. Caldwell moved his hips, and Rodney tilted his face up so he didn’t get smacked in the forehead by Caldwell’s muscled stomach. Caldwell settled his hands on Rodney’s neck, tracing his thumbs across Rodney’s jawline. The simple touch made Rodney’s eyes flutter shut.

He knew the instant before Caldwell came, and he tightened his hands to hear a gasp. Caldwell filled Rodney’s mouth, and he swallowed convulsively until he heard a whimper. Pulling away slowly, he looked up and smirked.

Caldwell roughly pushed him to his back and knelt. Rodney bucked up into the hot, wet mouth on his cock. He fisted his hands into the sheet and held on for dear life. Sometimes he thought Caldwell was trying to suck the life out of him. It felt so good, and he loved the way Caldwell always held him. Rodney didn’t want it rough, but he needed to know he was desired, and Caldwell delivered that easily.

“Steven,” Rodney whispered, and it roared out of him, leaving him breathless, lightheaded. He groggily swung around, and they wrapped each other up on the small bed. Caldwell started biting him, no surprise, and Rodney nuzzled into him.

Their usual shower waited until Rodney’s legs worked again, and they agreed that the water was hotter on Atlantis. Feeling wide awake now, Rodney hung the flight suit in the closet and dressed in Atlantis regulation blue and tan. 

“Six month countdown started yesterday,” Caldwell grumbled, getting into his flight suit and smoothing out a few wrinkles. Rodney tucked his feet into his runners and went to grab a kiss or two. It would reassure him more than words. Caldwell took complete advantage of the situation, leaving Rodney squirming. “All mine,” he said softly, licking the bite.

“Neanderthal,” Rodney said. He straightened his hair again. “I’m going to the labs–”

“To check your tiny fridges,” Caldwell interrupted. “I’ll be on my ship, sulking.”

“I’ll stop over in the morning.” Rodney settled Caldwell’s collar. Before Caldwell could molest him again, Rodney scooted out the door and came to a complete stop as it shut behind him.

“McKay,” Sheppard said.

“Colonel Sheppard,” Rodney answered. He’d made up his mind to think of him that way, and he’d mostly succeeded. Quickly, he took off for the transporter, but Sheppard kept up with him the entire way. Rodney touched the circle for his labs and prayed Sheppard would materialize somewhere else. That didn’t happen.

“At least you ditched the flight suit,” Sheppard snarled.

Chewing the inside of his cheek, Rodney managed not to say anything. He went straight to his laptop, booted it up, and dragged a stool close to sit. “Colonel, do you need something?”

Sheppard flinched around the eyes. “We need to talk. First of all, why did you come back at all? And what the hell is with all the hickeys? I hope you don’t expect to join my team. You’re out of shape and probably forgot which end of the gun fires!”

Stunned, Rodney stared at him. He cherry-picked the questions, skipping the moronic one. “The Daedalus needed an upgrade, but that’s done so… I’m back.”

“Teyla says I’m an idiot,” Sheppard continued as if Rodney had said nothing. “And I thought we agreed Ronon had enough knives!”

“Teyla is usually right.” Rodney was not out of shape. He’d lost ten pounds over the last two months. He called it, ‘The Constant Sex Diet,’ and he liked being on it. Shoving that aside, he opened a few programs and tried not to get angry. He tried.

Shifting on his feet, Sheppard had more to say. “You can’t expect to be on my team.”

The anger won, and Rodney swiveled to face him squarely. “I don’t. You lied to me. You punished me for doing my job, and you made it clear that you don’t trust me. I’d have to be an idiot to want to be on your team, and I’m not.”

Silence fell, and Rodney expected a reply, perhaps a fist to the face. Instead, Sheppard walked out, but unfortunately, he came right back, pointing his finger. “You betrayed my friendship!”

“Bullshit! I was trying to save two galaxies with new technology! Did you owe me some trust? Hell yes! You still owe it to me! I’ve saved your life more times than you can count!” Rodney took a deep breath. “When _you_ screw up, I don’t ignore you, or insult you, or lie to you! I wish I could have the same courtesy!”

Sheppard put his hands on his hips, face furious. “This is about you!”

“Fine.” Rodney was out of arguments, and he wasn’t sure he cared any longer. “Make it all about me so you can sleep the sleep of the just. Get out of my lab.”

Turning on his heel, Sheppard stormed away, and Rodney slumped. Everything had been perfect for an hour or so, and now he felt like shit. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t. Sheppard was being unreasonable, and whatever friendship they’d had was officially torched.

“Is safe to come in?” Zelenka asked.

“Hey, Radek.” Rodney stared the data, trying to sound as if nothing in the world could be wrong. “I thought you’d sleep longer.”

“I did as well.” Zelenka slid onto his favorite stool. “He is furious.”

“So am I.” But Rodney wasn’t. He was just tired. “I’m sure you’re taking his side, so get the lecture over with now.”

Zelenka made a huffy noise. “But you are right this time. He acted badly. I thought, while you were gone, he came to realize this. Teyla certainly hit him hard enough with her sticks.” He laughed. “I think this is more about the love marks on your neck.”

“Not like he ever cared.” Rodney crossed his arms and wanted to get back on the Daedalus where he was safe and things were easy. He flinched when Sheppard came back for round three, ignoring Zelenka, who tried to slide under the table.

“I never lied to you,” Sheppard ground out. “I might have done the rest of it, but not that.”

“‘I think Dr. Weir wants to see you?’ Does that ring a bell? All I wanted to do was tell you about my decision to upgrade the Daedalus, and you treated me like something stuck on your shoe.” Rodney got off the stool, refusing to back down from Sheppard’s thunderous expression. “You want me to apologize for Doranda? Fine. I apologize. I never should’ve asked you to go to Elizabeth on my behalf because clearly we weren’t the friends I thought we were. Mea culpa.”

The muscle in Sheppard’s jaw twitched repeatedly. He glanced at the door.

“Go ahead. Run away. Pretend this never happened. We’ll work together and occasionally nod across the conference table.” Rodney turned his back, and at that moment his ear bud clicked. It was Weir, and she wanted him in her office. “Excuse me, I have to be elsewhere.”

Rodney didn’t run. He scooped up a tablet and left Sheppard there with Zelenka. It had been stupid to confront him. It wouldn’t solve anything. Arguing with Sheppard was like arguing with the wind – a waste of time. The man always thought he was right.

“Rodney,” Weir said, smiling as he came inside her office. “How are you?”

Sitting down with a thump, Rodney thought about it. He realized that some of his anger was at her also, and since he was pissing people off, he might as well add her to the list. “It’s good to be back.”

“We’re glad to have you.” She never lost her smile. “Radek swore he’d sleep for a week.”

“He didn’t near make it.” Rodney sat forward in the chair and looked her right in the eye – a trick he’d learned from Caldwell. “I’m happy to be back, but, and I want to be clear, the next time you feel the urge to yell at me after a mission, I expect it to be in the privacy of this office, not out on the balcony.”

Her eyes widened and she frowned. “Things get heated around here, especially after failed missions.”

“They do, but we’re professionals, and I expect to be treated with respect.” Rodney never looked away. “I haven’t ever noticed you disciplining anyone else in that fashion.”

She glanced away, conceding the point. “I can see you had time to think while serving on the Daedalus.”

“She’s a good ship, and I enjoyed the upgrade.” Rodney eased back in his chair, seeing that she understood him. “I love my job here, Elizabeth,” he said.

Meeting his eyes again, she nodded. “I’m glad, and I think this is where you belong. Colonel Sheppard has complained about every scientist I’ve put on his team, so I can look forward to skipping those debriefings.”

Rodney shrugged. “I’ll find someone he can’t complain about, but he doesn’t want me.” He tried to make light of it. “I’m out of practice on the shooting range.”

Weir furrowed her brow. “Get re-certified, and Rodney, you did almost kill the man.”

“It nearly killed us both, not that anyone seems to care about my dying.” Rodney got to his feet, tired of this conversation. He felt like he’d had it over and over again. “Can I go back to work?”

Weir stood, tugged her sweater down, and came around the desk. “Welcome home, Rodney.”

“Thanks.” Rodney meant that. “It’s good to be here.” He turned and felt like his feet rooted to the floor as the door opened for Caldwell.

“Steven,” Weir said, “already time for our chess game?”

Caldwell flashed her that sweet smile, and Rodney’s insides curled up. “I do enjoy a challenge.”

Stuffing away a comment about other things that Caldwell enjoyed, like biting, Rodney rubbed his neck and fled. Later, he’d tell himself that he hadn’t run, but right now, he got moving. It wasn’t that he was worried except that she had great boobs, and everyone knew chess was sexy.

He hesitated in the transporter, not sure where to go, and reluctantly, he went to quarters to unpack. Since he was miserable, he might as well be completely miserable. Also, it was satisfying to throw things towards the closet. When his door chimed, he might possibly have bolted to it, hoping.

“Oh, it’s you.” Rodney frowned, honestly disappointed. “What do you want, Sheppard?”

“Can I come in?”

The words tossed Rodney back a few months, and he crossed his arms in denial.

“Guess I deserve that.” Sheppard ran his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, okay? I suck.”

“Yes, you do.” Rodney was willing to unbend that far. “Anything else?”

“We want you on the team.” Sheppard practically growled the words. “Once Caldwell is gone, things will get back to normal around here.”

Rodney had no idea what to say about all that. He wanted to be on the team but there were trust issues that would have to be dealt with, and he preferred Caldwell to stick around. “I like Colonel Caldwell. He’s competent, knows his ship, and has saved our asses a few times.”

Sheppard stared at him for a long minute, saying nothing, and then his eyes shifted to Rodney’s neck. Rodney hated that he instantly flushed. Sheppard nodded. “I get it now.” He shuffled a couple of steps back. “You’ll think about the team?”

It was the most polite thing Sheppard had said in months, and Rodney appreciated it deeply. Rodney let his arms drop and pointed. “I got beer in the mini-fridge.”

“Any chance one of those is finding its way to my quarters?” Sheppard followed Rodney inside and took the offered beer.

“Maybe.” Rodney planned on making sure all senior staff had one. He took a deep drink, watching Sheppard do the same. Words tumbled out. “Earth is the same. I mostly stayed in the mountain, interviewing what few qualified people there were to be chief engineer. In the end, I trained Novak. She can do it. No one else was near her level.”

“Except you,” Sheppard said quietly. He took another drink. “You could’ve stayed on the Daedalus.”

“I know that.” Rodney let his irritation show. “My work is here. I want to be here. How many times do I have to say it?”

Sheppard shrugged. “So we’re good now?”

“If you think one apology and one halfway polite conversation is going to make up for everything… well, just no, but it’s a start. At least I’m no longer trying to kill you with my brain.” Rodney set his beer down and finished organizing his closet, not even glancing at Sheppard, who continued to drink his beer. The silence was awkward, and Rodney was relieved when the door chimed again.

Until he thought it might be Caldwell. Panicking, he misjudged a box and practically fell into Ronon’s arms at the door.

Ronon set him on his feet. “There’s beer?”

“The good stuff.” Sheppard got him one. “Teyla?”

“No, thank you.” Teyla smiled at Rodney. “It is good we are together again. I have missed this.”

Rodney tried to look like he’d meant to trip. He studied their faces, remembering the years, the hurt, and the times he’d been grateful. They were team, good and bad and all the shades of grey in between. “I did too.”

********

The touch of lips on his neck roused him from slumber, and he lied about ‘no’ and ‘stop’ right as the covers were pulled back off him. “Hey,” he managed. “I’m sleeping here.”

“Not anymore.” Caldwell’s busy hands got rid of Rodney’s pants and shirt, and really, there was no reason to argue about it. “You should sleep naked occasionally.”

“Not gonna happen.” Rodney stayed on his stomach, eyes shut, enjoying the attention. He gasped when hot, naked skin draped over him. “You feel good.” Then he remembered why he’d been upset earlier. “Elizabeth didn’t wear out your dick?”

The bite was harder than usual, making him yelp when it was followed by a sharp spank. “You know better,” Caldwell growled. “And it gave you time to re-establish some sort of team dynamic.”

A suspicion worked its way to the front of Rodney’s brain. “Teyla.”

“She’s been very upset at Sheppard. I read my emails, Mr. King of Avoidance Behaviors.” Caldwell nibbled his way down Rodney’s spine. Rodney groaned and told his ass not to lift up, but it never listened. Caldwell chuckled and bit him hard enough on the butt to make him gasp and wiggle.

Rodney thought of any number of insults and comebacks, but slick fingers drove them all away, making sure only happy sounds came out of Rodney’s traitorous mouth. Caldwell tried to drive Rodney insane with all the kissing, biting, and thrusting.

“Steven,” Rodney gasped, pressing his ass back again and again, taking every inch.

Caldwell stuttered his rhythm, coming, and Rodney went off like a rocket. It left him curled up, breathing ragged and touching whatever parts of Caldwell that he could reach.

“You’re making me old,” Caldwell murmured, pulling him even closer.

Laughing, Rodney nuzzled under Caldwell’s chin. “You keep saying that, but you keep coming back for more.”

“Remember that.” Caldwell kissed him on the forehead.

Rodney got a hand on some covers, pulled, and fell asleep.

********

Setting his tray down next to Caldwell’s, Rodney favored him with an extra-powerful glare. “Tell them no.”

Caldwell sighed. “You know I don’t make the flight plans.”

Rodney ignored his food in favor of pouting. “Well, you should.” But before he could work up a really good complaint and diatribe, Ronon, Teyla, and Sheppard shoved their way into chairs, hogging the rest of the table.

“You will return soon, Colonel?” Teyla asked. Caldwell nodded, and Rodney sulked, not caring that Ronon stole a biscuit.

Sheppard waved his fork around. “Thanks again for your help.”

“Thanks for not glaring and acting about five years old.” Caldwell said it with a grin. Ronon laughed, and Rodney slipped his hand under the table to grip Caldwell’s knee. It wouldn’t be long, and they’d see each other again. They both had jobs, and people who relied on them. None of that made it any easier.

Touching his ear bud, Caldwell nodded. “I’ll tell him. Caldwell out. Dr. McKay, Captain Novak wants to see you before we leave. Tonight?”

“I’ll wander over that way,” Rodney grumbled. “She won’t have me along to hide behind, so she’s going to have to step up.” He squeezed Caldwell’s knee.

“She’ll do fine,” Sheppard said.

“She is very competent.” Teyla smiled. “Rodney trained her well.”

Caldwell nudged his plate away and got smoothly to his feet. “It’s been a pleasure,” he said, and he gave them a small smile before leaving with his tray.

Rodney stared after that awesome ass, wondering how long he had to sit and wait before dashing to the Daedalus. Ronon swiped Rodney’s jello and bumped him. “Go on. He doesn’t like to wait.”

“What’s another hickey or three?” Sheppard stage-whispered.

“You shut up.” Rodney shoved his tray at Ronon, who seemed glad to have it, and walked – walked! – to the Daedalus. Or that was how he’d tell it later.

********

the end


End file.
